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What Do You Do If You Get Fired?

Youre Fired

To Be Fired

It is said that the term “fired” came from the founder of NCR, John Patterson, ordering that the desk and chair of an executive who had displeased him be ‘fired’–set on fire on the company grounds. His actions seemed to be focused on public humiliation.  Luckily, today most firings/lay offs are NOT focused on humiliating the person being terminated.  (Oh, and by the way, another of John Patterson’s claims to fame was that he fired Thomas Watson who went on to run what was to become IBM–not such a great track record on management decisions if you ask me:-))

There is very little chance that you won’t be fired during your career.  Back in the day (a long time ago, because it was before my day), people only got fired because they did something wrong.  It is certainly still true that people get fired because they did something wrong.  Most people, however,  get fired (or the easier to swallow “laid off”) for lots of reasons and most of them have little to do specifically with the firee and much to do with the circumstances that the organization finds itself in.  While it doesn’t make it any easier to take, getting fired/laid off today is usually not about you–it’s about the organization.  You have every right to get angry about this.  It IS YOUR life.  Get it out of your head, though, that it is your fault.  It is so common now that most hiring companies assume it isn’t your fault too.

The normal human reaction to being fired/laid off is this:

Losing a job

The good news is that you come out the other side, almost always better.  I’ve had many people tell me that it was the best thing that ever happened to them.  They can see (in hindsight) that they never would have made the move themselves and that the reflection and activities that it took to find a new (and almost always a better) job was one of the most powerful learning experiences they ever had.  This is NOT to say that it isn’t painful.  You go down the left side of this curve and frequently people do things that make it worse.

Don’t Make It Worse!

You are legitimately angry, feeling betrayed, stunned, devastated, humiliated.  It would be nuts for you NOT to feel these things.  Make sure you don’t burn bridges initially, though, while you’re feeling these things at their most intense.  When someone tells you that you’re fired (and don’t assume that that person wants to be the one doing this–probably they feel almost as bad as you), LISTEN.  Ask questions.  Try not to say any of the angry things that come to mind.  You can say them later.  You can say them to your wife or your job coach or your best friend.  DON’T SAY THEM RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

If you are asked to sign something, it is perfectly ok to say that you’re not ready to sign it or that you want to consult with someone before you do.  Be careful not to sign away any rights you may have. Ask more questions.  Ask for details.  Ask if it is ok to record the questions and answers–you won’t have a great memory of what is happening.  They may say no and if they do, don’t record it.  Without permission it is illegal in several states.  Write down what they are saying about reasons (they’ll likely be light on that detail), severance package, insurance, outplacement, etc.  Writing it down can help to give you something to concentrate on while you are experiencing the confusion and shock of the experience.  Ask if you can call them tomorrow if you have questions–you WILL have questions because only a part of what is being said is going in.

It’s really important to get your head right:

  1. It isn’t your fault
  2. The company screwed up somehow to make this an organizational necessity
  3. Most people (recruiters, hiring managers, friends) assume it is not your fault

The sooner you can wrap your mind around these realities, the sooner you can more to the next step.  If you blame yourself and if you think everyone blames you, you will not approach your job search with the necessary clarity.  You are now in the boat with millions of other people.  And, yes, it is awful.  And yes, it is hard to find another job.  But it is possible and you can do it and you need to approach it like an adventure.  I know, I know, that sounds ridiculous.  You’ll be surprised what this journey brings.  And the sooner you get to it, the sooner you will get the job you need and the one that is better for you than the last one.

Quick! Quick! Build Your Network

LinkedIn:  Occupy your first couple of days–while you’re getting your head right–building your network.  Go to LinkedIn.  Connect, connect, connect.  Ask for references. Fix your profile.  You don’t need to change your job yet, but make sure your profile is as inviting and professional as it can be.  Make sure your skills are clearly listed, especially the ones that recruiters are out there looking for.  ASK people to endorse you–people who know you have those skills.

Reach Out:  It might be hard.  Do it anyway.  Reach out.  Call people.  Let them know that you’re looking.  Pick a very select few to whine to.  To the vast majority of your contacts be positive, open, cheerful and matter of fact.  Remember–not your fault.  They don’t think it is.  The more people who know you’re looking the faster the right match will happen.

Make Your Plan

Outplacement:  If you have access to outplacement, USE IT!!!!  Forget your pride, your anger, your embarrassment.  The faster you start with outplacement, the faster you get a job.  They will help you in all kinds of ways.  If you don’t have access to outplacement, then do it for yourself.

Create a project plan.  You know how to do this:

Set your goals–be specific:  NOT ‘Find a job’, but rather “Find a great job as a Business Analyst in a great company with more than 300 employees and a career path for me to move up.’

  • Identify your critical path tasks–for the above goal, you’d have to do research–
    • What companies fit your criteria?
      • What does “great’ mean to you?
      • What is your ideal career path?
      • What kind of culture do you want to work for?
    • Who do you know with connections into those companies?
    • Create and tailor your resume for those companies.
    • Skill development-what skills do you need?
    • How will you get it?
    • Etc.
  • Identify the resources
    • Whose help do you need?
    • How will you get it?
  • Set your timeline
    • Taking into account the items listed so far–the tasks and resources, what does your timeline look like?
    • How much time–each day, each week–are you going to focus your efforts on finding a job?
  • Do a kick-off
    • After you’ve created a plan–have an official start.
    • Have a way to measure your progress.
    • ‘Getting a job’ isn’t the only measurement you should use–identify ALL the measurements you should be tracking.  What are the things that fill up your funnel that get you to offers that get you to the RIGHT job
      • Network growth
      • Resumes sent
      • Recruiter contacts
      • Requests for references, endorsements, conversations
      • Phone interviews
      • Second interviews
      • Offers
  • Reevaluate regularly

You Will Be Fine.

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September 2, 2014 · 8:27 pm
April 30, 2014 · 10:05 pm

Think Your Job Is Secure? Think Again. PLEASE.

Recruitment or Employment Issues Chalk Drawing

Think They Can’t Do Without You?

There are lots of reasons that we think we are indispensable at work.  We know more than anyone else.  We’ve been there longer.  We have a close interdependent relationship with the boss.  We’re way better than others who have been there forever.  Whatever it is that you think about why you are indispensable, you are wrong.  NO ONE is indispensable, not even you.  Think about it:

  • The boss who thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread could be gone tomorrow.  It is unlikely that the new boss will instantly see your worth and if you were a favorite, it is likely that your peers aren’t feeling all that warm and fuzzy about you.
  • You might have been the best of the best at one time, but does that still apply?
  • How expensive are you?  Are there new people (maybe straight out of school with more developed technical skills?) who are as good or almost as good?
  • Do your peers sing your praises?  Or do they try to scuttle your high horse?
  • Have you consistently over delivered incredible results . . . except for the last 6 months-or even worse-the last year?
  • Is the organization shifting its priorities away from your area of expertise?
  • Do you have a reputation of being negative? Or a diva? Or high maintenance?

They CAN Do Without You!

There are all kinds of reasons that organizations decide to part company with people.  SO MANY of those people are shocked because in their own eyes and mind they were indispensable.  The water closes over you head as you leave with barely a ripple.  People remember you and speak of you occasionally, BUT THEY GO ON WITH THEIR JOB.  They figure out workarounds to close the gap left in your absence.  And those gaps close pretty quickly.

So Why Am I Telling You This?

I’m telling you this so that you will come out of your delusion and will do what it takes to either prevent this situation or be able to deal with it if it happens.  I’m telling you this to get your attention before you find yourself on the outside looking in with total disbelief.

Do you remember what it was like when you started your first job, or your latest new job?  Do you remember how focused you were on understanding everything you needed to know.  Do you remember how careful you were in understanding what your boss wanted and in trying to deliver it?  Do you remember how much you tried to understand the unwritten rules of your organization? If you can re-achieve that heightened level of awareness and attentiveness, then you are much more likely not to take your situation for granted.  You are much more likely to escape being marginalized and finding yourself out the door.

What Should You Do?

Every week (yes, EVERY week):

  • Remind yourself to treat your boss the way you did in your first week in this job
  • Remind yourself that your peers can take you out faster than your boss. How are you helping them?  How do they perceive you?  What can you do to further their agendas?
  • Do something to build your network, both inside and outside the organization.  Who at the top of the organization outside your own management chain knows you?  Who do you know at other organizations that interest you?
  • Keep your skills current.  Get certificates.  Go to school.  Know the latest technology. Stay up to date on what is going on in your industry/field.
  • Ask yourself what you’ve done to add value THIS week.

And maybe then you’ll be indispensable:-)

 

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February 25, 2014 · 11:12 pm

What I Know Now That I Wish I Knew Then

I have a very clever friend, Deb Graham, founder of ACTStrategic.com, who recently wrote a great article.  She asked several women to tell her what they wish they had know at the beginning of their career, and then she synthesized it into an enlightening article.   You can read her finished paper here.

What a great question!

My Answer to “What I Wish I Had Known At the Beginning of My Career.”

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I started my ‘career’ in my late twenties.  Before that I had jobs that in no way could be considered a career.  When I started the job that became my career, I was young, smart and VERY opinionated.  I thought I knew everything.  The most important thing that I learned, and blessedly I learned it quickly, was that I didn’t know everything.  I learned to listen to others and to be open to possibilities.  One of the most important things that taught me that (and I’m ashamed that I had to learn this) was that I was forced to follow the recommendations of people who worked for me.  I couldn’t figure out any way NOT to follow their recommendations, so I took a deep breath and did what they suggested.  It worked.  It WORKED.  It so worked and it was so nothing that I would have ever thought of that it opened my eyes and my methodologies and changed my career and my life.  I cannot overstate this.  If I hadn’t had this accidental experience, I don’t believe that I would have gone on to manage large departments, nor would I have become VP of Organizational Effectiveness of a large company.

So . . . Lesson #1:  Be open to ideas from all levels of the organization and take chances with people and their ideas.

I had another powerful experience that forced me to understand that the way I look at things can be controlled by me.  I can choose to look at any situation from a completely different perspective–that of the person I’m disagreeing with, that of my boss, that of the customer–INSTANTLY.  I can “flip a switch” on my perspective and REFRAME the situation.  When I remember to do it, it always works.  I am able to see a solution that wasn’t obvious to me before, and I almost always am energized to solve the problem instead of being stuck.

So . . . Lesson #2:  Reframe.  Flip the switch to look at it differently.

What makes you happy?

Finally, the most important and the one that took the longest to figure out is to do the work that I love.  I know . . . people say that and it seems obvious, but it is hard to remember.   Figure out what motivates you and surround yourself with things that motivate—this is almost always work that you love, but could be position or money or recognition.  Whatever it is, create your life with motivation and fun and love.  CREATE. YOUR. LIFE.  Don’t waste your life doing stuff that makes you unhappy or demotivates you. Know what you love, what you want to do, what motivates you and create work and life around those things.

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February 23, 2014 · 7:00 pm

A Note To Executives: You DON’T Know What Is Going On In Your Organization

Dear Executives:

I know you think you know what is going on in your organization.  I know you think you know who the super performers are and who the “C” players are.  I know you think you know the processes and how the organization delivers its results.  I know you think that you’re on top of it all.  You get dashboards and white papers and report outs from consultants to tell you what is going on.  I know you do surveys to ask your employees what they think.

But you still don’t know.  You don’t know what your people are thinking (most of the people who talk to you tell you what you want to hear or what will help them).  You don’t know what isn’t working in the inner workings of the organization.  You don’t know how badly your intent gets communicated down through the organization.  You don’t know what your organization is REALLY capable of (remember, you are probably getting less than 50% of what your organization is capable of, between the ineffective communication, the out-of-tune management, the inefficient measurement and processes and the lack of flexibility within your organization).

How Do I Know, You Might Ask?

Fair question.  I know because I’ve been there.  I’ve been an Executive in a large corporation.  I know what I thought.  I know that I thought I knew all that stuff I just accused you of believing that you know.  And I’ve more recently been in a lot of organizations at all levels where the Executives thought they knew and didn’t have a clue.  As a consultant, sometimes I talk to the Executives, but more often I come in below the C-level to work on a project that is stalled or understaffed.  I see and hear what people below the Executive level say and think.  I see that they do not have a clear understanding of the purpose of any of the “change” things that they are being asked to do.  They do not believe that Executives know what they are doing.

They Do Not Believe That Executives Know What They Are Doing.

Ouch.  Why is that?  It is because the communication from the top to the bottom in most organizations of any size SUCKS.  In both directions.  The messaging going from the top to the bottom doesn’t get down more than a couple of levels (and in my experience, it rarely gets more than one level).  The communication going in the other direction–from the bottom to the top is non-existent.  People at the bottom, or middle, or even almost at the top, learn very quickly how to communicate up.  ‘Tell ’em what they want to hear.’

The bottom line is that you, as an Executive, think that the brilliant plans that you have come up with are being implemented as you expected and that you will soon get the results that you are expecting.  And that won’t happen.  Eventually, you’ll get some of it.  But not all.  And not when you need it.

There is an apocryphal story about General Schwarzkopf wanting to know how well his front line soldiers understood what there orders from the top were, so he walked around and asked them.  Supposedly he was so appalled that he had training developed to teach his Commanders how to communicate “Commander’s Intent” better.  Whether the story about General Schwarzkopf is true or not, I’m willing to bet it is true in your organization.  Go ask them.  Ask them about your key initiatives–don’t cheat–don’t ask them in a way that they can guess the answer.  Ask them the what, why, how, when and who about the things you believe MUST be done within your organization.  And don’t get mad when they can’t tell you.  It isn’t their fault.

Force yourself to go Undercover Boss.  Go find out what is going on in your organization.  Figure out what you need to do about it.

you don't know your organization

So What Do You Do About It?

The first step is to learn to communicate.  Teach your leadership team how to communicate.  Teach your employees how to communicate up.  Teach your leadership team how to listen.  Start with your self.  Tell people WHY things need to be done.  Tell them over and over and over.  Tell them until they are really sick of hearing it.  Then tell them again.  Measure whether your people are telling their people what is happening, when it is happening, why it is happening.  Tell your people that you’re going to go ask people and that people had better know.  And then do it.

Telling people something once in a stand up meeting, or worse, in an email, is not communication.  You have to first get their attention.  Then you have to make them hear you.  Then you have to ensure that they have understood you.  Then you have to review it.  AND THEN YOU MIGHT GET THE ACTION FROM THEM THAT YOU WANT>

Great Books On the Effective Leader Communication:

  • Make to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath:  I probably site this book more than any other when I’m trying to get people to understand why their listeners don’t automatically embrace their perfectly brilliant ideas.  This book helps you understand why you have to help people go through the adoption process that you yourself did to get their buy in.
  • Influence by Robert Cialdini.  This is probably the number one book on how to ‘influence’ people.  This book explains how to get people to say ‘yes’. Everyone should read it.  Everyone at all levels of the organization.

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February 4, 2014 · 8:36 am

Your ‘Tribes’ Are Important For Your Career Success

What Are Your Tribes?

Broncos, Seahawks.  Democrat, Republican.  Christian, Jew.  We belong to ‘Tribes.’  The correct definition of this is a social group that preceded the “state,” small in size.  The current use of the word is more of an ‘aligned’ group—somewhat informal with common interests and loyalty.  Some of these ‘tribes’ are ok to talk about at work.  Your sports team, unless it is the arch enemy of the prominent group’s team.  Your hobby group, unless it is politically incorrect.  Sometimes your tribe and your company are one—maybe Google is a tribe—but usually your tribes and your company are concentric circles with some overlap.  Sometimes your team/project/department is a tribe within your company.

It is an interesting question why we feel so strongly about the interests of our tribe.  This is probably one of the reasons that we don’t talk about some of this at work very often—religion, politics, gun control, abortion.  If I find out that you are not IN my tribe in one of these areas, it makes it harder for me to work with you.  Why is that?  You are the same person you were before I found out that you have a view that I completely disagree with (outside my tribe).  You are the same person.  If I liked you (or at least was neutral) before, why does knowing that you are in another ‘tribe’ change my opinion so much?

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What Do You Do About It?

One of the most important things to acknowledge is that there are tribes and there are tribes.  Each of us has had the experience of thinking badly—ok, if you can’t admit that—not as highly of a group of people because of something.  We applied stereotypes to them.  And then you became close to a single member of that group.  You made that person an exception.  S/he was different from the rest of the group.  S/he was an exception to all the characteristics you didn’t like/objected to.  And so it was ok to like her.  It was ok to think highly of her—because all that stuff didn’t apply to her.  It’s as if we’re hard wired to think like this.

So, take advantage of the fact that we make exceptions when we get to know someone.  Create more tribes.  Create cross-tribe tribes that are based on something else—fun, work, teams, companies, hobbies, interests.  Get to know people.  Make them exceptions.  Get to know people you admire. I once went out of my way to meet the two women who wrote a book, Success and Betrayal, that changed my life.  Who do you admire?  Who do you want to learn from?  Who do you want to be like?  Inside and outside of work—seek them out.  Make them your tribe.

Eventually, you’ll see that the stereotypes you believe about certain groups are just that—stereotypes—not reality.  People are individuals.  They fall on a continuum.  They are like others in their tribes in some ways and not like them in others.  I’m talking about ALL kinds of tribes:  religious ones, political ones, gang ones, 1% ones, creative, etc.  It is insane to write off a person because they disagree with you on one continuum (or four).  Find something to agree with them on.  Get to know them.

Why?

We’ve moved past our caveman days.  We need to interact with all kinds of people.   If you want to have career success—I mean career SUCCESS then all kinds of people have to want you to succeed.  Success doesn’t just come from the quality of your work.  Sure, you have to have that, too, but someone has to want to move you up the organization.  Someone has to want to buy your product.  People have to help you succeed.  Your tribe.

Some great books about Tribes:

The Dark Side of Tribes

Tribes are the way we interact, but there are some tribes that can get in the way of effectiveness, and therefore get in the way of your career.  Be on the lookout for these.  Sometimes a department is a tribe—a silo—and it is in the way of optimizing the whole organization.  This can bring you down as well if you are too closely aligned with the silo.  You can be too closely aligned with the boss, or with the industry or with actions of a group.  You need to pay as much attention to that as to aligning with better tribes.

Understanding tribes and how you interact with them can give you a new set of tools to improve your career.

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February 2, 2014 · 7:54 pm

Do You Want To Start Your Own Business? Then Do It.

Stop Planning.  Start Doing.

I speak to a lot of people who want to start their own business.  I speak to lots of people who don’t start their own business.  There is only one difference between people who want to and people who have their own business.  The ones who have their own business actually DID it.  I know.  I spent six years “planning” my business.  I bought every book.  I thought I hadn’t put together enough money.  I didn’t know how to do all the things that I needed to know how to do.  I didn’t have enough contacts.  I didn’t have enough customers/clients.  Duh.  I didn’t have a business.  Why would there be clients/customers WITHOUT a business?  You just have to step out if faith.  I”m not saying do it with NO planning. You have to think out your opportunities.  You have to think out how you’re going to eat. And then you need to do it.

start

I can relate to not moving on it.   Was I more prepared after six years?  Yes.  I was not six years-worth more prepared, though.  So much of the learning that happens when you start your business happens when the rubber meets the road and you actually have to make it work.  There is nothing that does that except actually doing the work.

Do It Before You Leave Your ‘Real’ Job

What I didn’t do, which I should have, was start my business while I was still working my 9 to 5 job.  It really didn’t occur to me at the time, but I now know that this is a great solution to cushion the risk and to accelerate the learning while you still have an income.  With the current state of the economy and the likelihood that you will lose your job at some point in your work life, this approach of having an income on the side that you can ramp up if something happens makes a lot of sense.  There are a couple of new books that are great guides on how to do this.

Some Books That Might Help.

  • The Economy of You by Kimberly Palmer.  This book has lots of stories about people who actually DID it.  They started small and built their business while still employed.  The book describes when the business owners cut the cord and relied on their business for their income.  It is a great read and is quite motivational.  You don’t have to wait for perfection–step out and see what happens.
  • How to Work for Yourself by Bryan Cohen.  This is a book that addresses all the excuses you have about “no time.”  (That was what you were thinking when you started reading this post, right?)  Again, Cohen is quite motivational.  As I read the book I started noticing all the ways that I waste time.  (As I write this, this book is $0.00 on Kindle–that won’t last long–grab it!!!)

A slightly older, but more comprehensive book:

So . . . I’ve provided you some books to read if you want to put it off a little longer.  I’ve provided you books that can motivate you and challenge you if you REALLY want to do this.  Which ever–read these books.  Make this the year you DO it.

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January 31, 2014 · 6:44 pm

Lessons From The Oklahoma City Thunder

Thunder

I admit with some embarrassment that I am a total, absolute, over-the-top OKC Thunder fan.  My family and friends are pretty incredulous about this—I’ve never shown any interest in sports that weren’t related to my children.  Ever.  Nevertheless, my move to Oklahoma City closely correlated with the arrival of the new Oklahoma City Thunder (transferred and renamed from Seattle).  The team was young and was definitely an underdog in those days and I quickly became a fan.  They were so energized and persistent.  Some of their members were enthusiastic (at least to our face) about being in Oklahoma City and I embraced them along with the rest of the fans in Oklahoma City.

I don’t know how different the Oklahoma City Thunder is from other teams, since I never was interested enough about other basketball teams to pay attention.  It is likely, therefore, that the lessons I lay out here are true for other sports teams.  I just don’t see and hear the same things about them.

Leadership

Successful teams have several leaders and have people who aren’t traditionally leaders step up into those roles when needed.  Sure Scott Brooks is a great coach/leader, and Kevin Durant is a leader.  But so are Russell Westbrook and Derrick Fisher (the old guy) and Serge Ibaka and Thabo Sefolosha.  When the situation calls for it, someone steps up.  They aren’t lost without ‘the’ leader.

Constant, Persistent Hard Work

They REALLY work.  They take their work seriously.  They practice, practice, practice, practice.  Malcolm Gladwell says in Outliers that REALLY good people practice more than the rest of us (in fact he says the number is 10,000 hours—which has been disputed by some).  We know this in our heads.  Most of us don’t want to be great enough to put the work in.  The Thunder is an example of what happens when you do.  (At the moment they have the best record in the West and the second best in the East).  They have risen to Playoff level very quickly for such a young team.  They wouldn’t be there without the hard work.

How many of us approach our work that way?  Or how many of us put in “enough” hours and go home?  How many of us are considered the ‘best’ at what we do?

Teamwork—Support Each Other

They talk a good story about team.  They say all the right things.  When you watch them, you can actually see that they aren’t lying.  In the recent game against the Miami Heat, Kendrick Perkins had only five minutes playing time (his lowest amount of time since 2006).  If you don’t know Perk, he tends to be a bit grumpy (looking, anyway).  So there was discussion among the press of what his reaction would be.  We only had to wait a day.  He tweeted,

“What’s good my peeps? Great teams win. Whatever it takes. Sacrificing is what good teams do. When my name is called I’ll be ready. 9 in a row”

Kevin Durant, the leading scorer on the team, ALWAYS talks about team.  Coach Scott Brooks ALWAYS talks about team.

Teams support each other.  Teams work together.  Teams use each member’s strengths to achieve the team goals.

Do you even talk the “team” talk?  That’s a place to start, especially if you are the leader.  Do you walk the “team” walk?  That’s what it takes for people to believe it.  Teams get better results.  Do you believe that?  Do you see it?  Thunder makes it obvious.

One Day At A Time

As Kevin gets better and better (currently he is the leading scorer in the NBA by quite a margin), and as the Thunder’s record grows, the pressure is mounting to continue the performance.  Can they?  Will they?  These are the questions that get asked of Brooks and Durant and the other players.  Their answer is always the same.  We focus on the next game.  We are thinking about today’s game.  They refuse to engage in the discussion of anything but the very next obstacle ahead of them.

Do you do that?  Or are you thinking about the next three things?  Or are you consumed by the 3,000 things that must get done before the project is done?  Yes, you have to be aware of the things ahead.  Your focus, however, should be on the NEXT thing.  FOCUS on what is next.  Get it done.  Then do it again.

It seems to work for the Thunder.

Roll With The Punches, Figure It Out, Keep Going

Related to taking it one day at a time, when things go wrong—lose a game, lose a player—start again with the next practice, game, emergency.  Get it out of your head.  Get on with what is next.  This is an extremely helpful (and hard to do) tactic.  If you let the loss go, and FOCUS on what is next, you are starting fresh.  You have a much better chance of changing the future with this tactic.

Don’t Freak Out

It is not unusual for the Thunder to be behind by twenty points.  How, you might ask, can they be a great team if they are behind by that much?  They just don’t freak out.  They just keep plugging away.  They keep trying.  They keep playing.  And usually, they catch up and get ahead.  They don’t freak out when they are behind.  They don’t rest and relax when they are ahead.  They keep playing HARD.

So . . . Go For It!  And Watch The Oklahoma City Thunder😉

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January 27, 2014 · 9:53 pm

Twenty Years Ago

Twenty years ago tomorrow the worst thing that I could ever imagine happened to me.  My husband died.  Twenty years provides great perspective.  When it happened, I couldn’t imagine surviving one year, let alone twenty years.  I was in shock for the first few months and focused on just surviving.  One foot in front of another.  One day after another.  One week . . .

Now, though, twenty years later,  I can see all the good things that happened because of it.  I know that that sounds weird.  That is the tough paradox of losing someone.  Things can get better.  Things can be good.  Good things can even happen because of the bad things that went before.

When my husband died–he was quite young–I didn’t know who I was anymore.  My identity was being part of a we–a team, both at work and at home.  Co-parents and co-workers.  We’d been together since high school and had done college and graduate school together.  We had ended up working for the same company.  I know that the people around me didn’t think of me as “half” of two, but I did.  I had to struggle with who I was going to be for the rest of my life.  I had family and friends who helped me.  I had an incredible therapist who helped me.  I had four kids who gave me a reason to go on.  Slowly but surely I figured out who I would be.  I figured out what it was that I liked to do at work.  I figured out what it would take to build a life doing that work.

I now have a life and work that I really love.  I can see that it wouldn’t have happened in the same way if I hadn’t gone through what I did.  I can testify that you can survive the worst and you can build the life you want. Give yourself time and space to heal, and then decide what you want and figure out how to do it.

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What If Today Were ‘The First Day’?

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As a consultant, I’ve had lots of first days.  I start with a company and I have an open mind about what the problems are and about what it will take to solve them.  I am excited and ambitious about what a difference I can make.  I meet people and don’t make judgments–I don’t know them well enough to make judgments.  I listen carefully to what people say and don’t pick which ones I believe.  I’m aware that they each have their own perceptions and there is a reason for each.  I’m not frustrated on the first day, or behind on my “ToDo’s”, or irritated with my coworkers.  I LOVE the first day.

What I’ve learned over time, on days that AREN’T the first, for days when I AM frustrated, or irritated, or overwhelmed by the problems that now seem insurmountable, is to remember what it is like on the first day.  If this were the first day, I tell myself, I wouldn’t be irritated by this, I would be interested.  I would be patient and would ask questions and would listen.  If this were the first day, I would believe that I could figure out a solution and would put my energy into it.  If it were the first day, this problem would look solveable and these people would seem helpful.   So . . . If I think of this as the first day, and if I act like this is the first day, then it will be the same as the first day and I can start again.

Just sayin’ . . .

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January 22, 2014 · 9:01 pm
January 20, 2014 · 8:08 pm

Want To Have Some Fun?

Have some fun with your LinkedIn Network.  Go to http://inmaps.linkedinlabs.com.  Log in with your email and LinkedIn password.  Once your network map has been created, roll your cursor over it.  It will call out a name in your network and show you who all within your network is connected to that contact.  Do it again.  It’s fun to see how all the contacts are connected to each other.

My Linkedin Network Map

My Linkedin Network Map

OneLinkedIn Contact

One LinkedIn Contact

Another Linkedin Contact

Another LinkedIn Contact

And Another LinkedIn Contact

And Another LinkedIn Contact

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Filed under Networking